The Long Overdue Update: Elena, our Daughter

Photo by Karen Feder Photography

      Our Elena is five and a half months old. The last nearly 200 days have been a whirlwind.  For so long I have wanted to write a blog post- sharing more of the rest of our story in going to Utah, our experiences there, her birth and bringing her home, as well as what the last few months have been like.  But I didn’t until now. The reasons are multi-faceted but mainly it boils down to two: 1. We were still processing everything.  Adoption is so so emotional and complex and crazy and wonderful and hard, that it takes a bit to decompress and start to work through everything that had just happened.  2. The decompressing period was exponentially long due the news we found out the day after she was born: pregnant.  Anyone that knows us knows that this was medical miracle and that I have very very challenging pregnancies.  I was severely nauseous and getting sick for the first six months- making me virtually useless after 4pm each day.  This, of course, delayed everything as we have largely been in what we call ‘survival mode’.  Thankfully, I am not nearly as sick right now and our sweet Elena has for the most part grown out of her colicky days.  While we are exhausted, we are happy, and knowing that we are blessed. While our hands are full, we know they are full of very wonderful gifts. 

     So, back to our journey. I last wrote at the end of March, just days before our departure to Salt Lake City, Utah.  As we prepared to leave our boys for many days, and entrusted them with the NINE people who teamed up to care for them, we were feeling a combination of anxiousness and excitement.  While we had been chosen by our beautiful birth mom, nothing is set until she signs after the birth, and thus, everything over the next several days was met with apprehension, hope and a lot of prayer.  In the plane, everything felt surreal.  Eighteen months of our adoption process had come to this. We would either be flying back with a daughter or empty arms.  We landed in SLC in the late morning and we picked up by a woman at the local church that had so greatly stepped up to help us.  She said she felt like she was on holy ground with us, and kindly invited us over for brunch at her home.  On our way, we were to pick up the car that was being graciously loaned to us by another family during the duration of our stay.  When we opened the car, there was a HUGE gift basket full of all the necessities for a baby girl- clothing, blankets, lotion, soaps, headbands, baby books and a stuffed animal.  Tears were flowing- this was becoming less surreal and more REAL. After brunch, we drove just a mile to where we would stay for the next couple weeks. The Ronald McDonald House was an amazing place.  We were humbled and grieving to see the seriously sick children and families that occupied it and inspired and encouraged by the way the staff and community made it home, and cared for all of us while there.  From meals to events to general and sincere support, it was beautiful.   We got settled in and explored the massive facilities, and explored Salt Lake City a bit the rest of that day.  Then we had a fitful night of sleep as we prepared to meet our birthmom for the first time the next day. 

   We began the next day by meeting Jeremy’s sister’s husband for breakfast.  Another crazy ‘coincidence’ is that our brother in law Alex had recently gotten a new job- and happened to be in SLC for training the same exact days we were their for the adoption.  It was crazy and again, pretty surreal to be hanging out with extended family in Utah for breakfast.  Next, we went shopping to get little gifts for our birthmom’s other children- and prayed for the right words and love to convey to her when we were set to meet her shortly. (As a side-note, I wasn't feeling well at all physically and hadn't for a week or two. We thought it was likely stress due to the adoption, but of course now we know, it was much more than that!)

I love that of all the places we could have been matched and placed at, it was Utah- home of such breathtaking mountain landscapes. God has always shown me His power and sovereignty in and through the majesty of mountains. While in Utah, we were surrounded by this both in experience and in vistas.

    A few hours later, we prayed in the car, looking at the majestic mountains just outside the Applebees.  My hands were shaking and my heart was pumping.  What do you say to a woman who is about to give birth to your daughter?  How does one make small talk with someone who selflessly carried and cared for this about-to-be-born child for nine months?  As soon as we entered, we saw her and walked to her. She greeted and hugged us, and we spent the next hour or so talking with her, her support person and our adoption coordinator.  I had tears as I thanked her and talked of how excited the boys are to have a sister- she smiled, was kind, quiet and gracious.  While she was set to be induced early the next morning, her labor had already started on its own. Another grace, God’s sweet and perfect timing, ensuring that we would be present at Elena’s birth.  As we got back into the car, I felt relief, excitement and of course was anxious.  Our birth mom also amazed me.  She was beautiful- she was so petite and kind and lovely.  She seemed steady and calm. 

We met with another women at the local church that was so supportive of adoption and an actual orphan advocate vocationally, and she provided a bouncer and moses basket for us to use while in Utah for Elena. A couple had also generously donated a couple hundred dollars to help us cover gas and food while in Utah. Literally, God saw that EVERY single detail was taken care of.  Just like the hairs on our head- He of course SAW our every need and made a clear path and provided for us in ways we are still in awe of and wrapping our souls around- amazement is the word that comes to mind.  He is SO faithful and His body of believers is really incredible.  We felt so embraced by His people in this time- people that were  largely strangers to us but that became like family during that week.  As we eventually drifted to sleep that night, I couldn’t help but wonder what the next 24 hours would bring- we would be baby girl tomorrow- but would this really be our baby girl? Would this be the one God has ordained for our family and planned for us to adopt forever? 

Moments after birth- our beautiful Elena.    

    We awoke early and started getting ready.  Shortly after awaking, we received a call from our agency person telling us to get there soon, she was in labor and our baby girl would be born soon.  We rushed to the hospital which was 30 minutes from the Ronald McDonald House, and arrived.  We sat in the waiting room for about one hour before I was called into our birth mom’s room.  She was about ready to push.  I felt a little like I wasn’t sure where to be. I wanted to support and encourage our birthmom and yet it was so strange to be in such an intimate situation with someone I just met yesterday. It felt sacred- and amazing. Within just a couple moments, Elena was born and the doctor asked me to cut the cord.  With shaking hands and tears falling, I did just that.  Elena was perfect.  At just over 6 pounds, she was like a tiny, beautiful doll. She had so much hair and big eyes.  Our birthmom held her for just a moment and then offered her to me.  Such graciousness, and selflessness- she had wanted us to bond with Elena right away.  I fed her first bottle and then we went with the nurses to clean her up in the hospital nursery.  The love was instant. The uncertainty was only in if we would be allowed to love her all the days of our lives. For the next five or six hours, we sat in a little room off the nursery with our beloved Elena. These hours were some of the most special, sacred moments of our lives.  We held her, stared at her, prayed over her, sang to her and cried joyful, anxious tears over her.  Soon, it was time to leave.  Elena would be with her birthmom for the night and we would return to the Ronald McDonald house, only to return the next morning at 11am.  Papers could be signed exactly 24 hours after Elena’s birth of 11:10am. 

Just after her first bath. Daddy's girl already. :) 

   The next 19 hours seemed like weeks.  Utah has the shortest wait time for adoptive parents- and yet we felt like we couldn’t breathe a real breath until papers were signed. We hardly slept, we talked and wondered what would happen.  We could see our birthmom’s love for Elena- that was clear in how she looked at her- and I could so understand her changing her mind and deciding to parent her.  That bond after carrying a baby within your womb for nine months is undeniable and powerful.  So, we waited with baited breath.  We arrived to the hospital a little early and were invited into our birthmom’s room.  The next hour was the sweetest experience. It was just her, us and Elena.  We talked, we all cried, we hugged and we were told things that were written on our hearts forever.  She said knew that we were the right ones for Elena- that we would love her deeply and care for her, that we would provide for her.  These were special, deep moments.  And it all felt so bittersweet.  I could see in her eyes grief and a knowing that this was what she felt she needed to do.  It was sweet for us, a gift beyond measure.  To say ‘thank you’, no matter how tearful and heartfelt was just trite in light of Elena being our daughter- all because of our birthom’s courage, selflessness and brave decision.  Of course there are so many more details, reasons as to why she chose adoption.  But I want to honor her privacy so suffice it to say- the respect we have for her is unmatched.  We left and went into our quiet room off the nursery as she was to sign papers.  Things were delayed due to a notary and again the minutes seemed so long, so slow.  I worried for our birthmom,  what was her heart feeling, was she ok?  I wondered if they would walk in and say the adoption was off- she couldn’t sign.  But soon, we received the news that she had signed, Elena could be adopted- she was going to be our daughter forever.  The joy, relief and excitement was undeniable. Later, we said goodbye to our birthmom. I watched her walk away, strong and steady yet tears in her eyes giving away her emotion, and wept a bit. This was Elena’s blood- this was her flesh. No one would ever change that- and I committed myself to celebrating her birthmom forever.

   For the next few days, we took care of her at the hospital, she was released (during the worst snowstorm of the year!) and we marveled at her at the Ronald McDonald House. We were blessed to have our pictures taken by Megan Lily Photography in Utah and we explored SLC and waited for state paperwork clearance so we could once and for all be united with our boys and be together, all five of us. 

    In the midst of all this emotion, uncertainty and then joy and excitement, we did some math and realized I should take a pregnancy test.  When it showed positive- hours after Elena’s birth- there was shock.  This has been medically impossible for eight years. I had needed medication to help get pregnant.  We had struggled with infertility and I had firm diagnoses.  Immediately, I thought of what that meant- I would likely be very very sick for the next six months.  How would this look with a beautiful newborn? Did God have sense of humor or what? If we had gotten pregnant even one month earlier, we would not have been able to adopt our Elena.  We wouldn’t have even been considered.  Again, surreal feelings. Overwhelming emotion, anxiousness and excitement all poured in.  After we had been there 8 or 9 days and paperwork was not going through, issues were continuing with red tape and details and the amount of days we would have to wait to fly with Elena back to Minnesota seemed to grow, we made a decision to have me fly home. The boys needed their mom and due to some scary things happening to me physically, I needed to see my doctor.  At the airport, I hugged my strong, steady and wonderful husband and said goodbye to my barely-born, itty-bitty and beautiful baby girl to fly half way across the country- half my heart stayed with them and half was ready to be reunited with my little boys.  

A snapshot of Jeremy (and little Elena in the front pack) before this father-of-the-year made 

the grueling trip across country alone with a newborn!

   For several days, we were a family divided, longing to be together.  The doctor confirmed my pregnancy. I was 7 or 8 weeks at that point.  And then, on one glorious day, Jeremy and Elena got approval to come home.  At last, we were together.  

So excited to see Daddy and meet baby sister!

Noah literally started breaking out in dance in the driveway he was so excited! 

Soaking her up (and not leaving her alone!)

Thankfully, she is less scared and more amused by her big brothers today. :)

Our treasured gift from God.

Our first picture as a family of five (or is it six?! ;) )

     

     The next five months were a blur; a mix of beautiful joy and gratitude and hard, exhausting times of my sickness and her poor colicky tummy issues and just trying to get through.  Thankfully, I am married to a wonderful man. A man who is willing to get up with Elena at night while I was too sick to get our of bed, or too nauseous to function.  Somehow, we all made it through these many weeks, and also made beautiful memories when I felt OK, and soaked up our daughter with every hour.  She is so so loved.  The boys truly adore her. It hasn’t faded- it has grown.  They can’t wait for her to wake up from nap, they long to play with her, they can make her smile ear to ear. They want to hold her, snuggle her and talk of how she is the most beautiful, wonderful baby in the world.  And they are right on all accounts.  It feels like we are the most blessed parents to have these three (almost four) gifts.  They are glimpses of grace.  While the timing of this pregnancy is so crazy it makes us laugh, and some days I feel like it is all too much- I know that with Him, in His grace, and by His mercy, we will endure the coming weeks and months with four kids five and under- and that our life is a living testimony to God’s power, goodness and love.  Elena’s every cry, every laugh, every smile and sweet cuddle is a reminder of His faithfulness.  It is a privilege to call her daughter.  And finally, today, October 1^st, 2015- two years almost to the day from our very first adoption meeting, she is legally and forever, ours.

   To end this post, we wanted to once again extend our gratitude to those who helped her become our daughter.  There are literally dozens and dozens of people who in some way, shape or form significantly contributed to her adoption.  THANK YOU will be what we echo in our prayers as we look at her every day.  May her life be a reflection of her name-

Elena (it means, bright light and was chosen to honor both my grandma's who are named Elaine)
Marie (chosen by our birth mom and birth dad- one of the meanings which is so fitting is 'wished for one')
Grace (there is no doubt she is a grace and gift from God and a beautiful reflection of our own adoption to be sons and daughters of our heavenly Father. )
Wenzel (without diminishing that she has an incredible birth mom and beautiful african american     heritage that we will honor and celebrate forever, she is OUR daughter. She is as loved and cherished as if she had been in my womb- because she grew mightily in our hearts!)